She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
