I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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