and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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