He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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