marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
