This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
