when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
