Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
