Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
