Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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