Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize