Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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