I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
