he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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