Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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