Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
