Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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