possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
