dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize