And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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