i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize