My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
