Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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