I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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