I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
