Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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