I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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