Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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