you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize