i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
