i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I love you. Go after that dick
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
