my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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