Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize