the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
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