Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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