I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
