if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Randomize
