Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
