you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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