im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
