everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
There r osticjed everywhere
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
