I cannot find my penis.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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