Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
