Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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