He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
