So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Michael Bay diarrhea
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize