Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
