In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
