i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
