i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
