I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
