My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
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