His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
