Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
