it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
