Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
