the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just gift wrapped bread.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
