i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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