just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
