i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
