DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
