A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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