so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
50% drunk capacity currently
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize