I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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