i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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