She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
